Where does sex start from?

Where does sex start from, the brain, the mind or the eyes? Human brain is a very complex structure that controls the glands which produce sex hormones. The human brain is intricately linked to our sexuality. The brain cells are not made from one single component, and are not isolated from the rest of the body but the major action of the brains is to diffuse neurotransmitters, an important element for the human sexuality.

The centre of a human brain manages the ‘instinctive’ reactions of the sexuality: this centre receives information from its surroundings, from the entire body and, according to the situation,

causes instinctive reactions to receive or reject sexual desire. When a spouse’s body receives information coming from his or her partner, this information is sent to the ‘instinct’ part of the brain. The instinct asks the ‘emotion’ what it thinks. Emotion then checks its memory whether events linked to the situation are good or bad experiences. At the same time, ‘logic’ analyses the feasibility of action in terms of social norms, moral principles, hurt or rejection level and stress level. If the answers come back positive, ‘instinct’ can trigger hormonal secretions that control the suitable sexual response. When ‘instinct’ receives authorisation to react, it also triggers the release of several hormones such as neurohormonal and neurotransmitter products. These products stimulate both ‘emotion’ (giving the desire for pleasure) and ‘logic’ (arousing the production of fantasies and happy marital union and bound). These same hormones also trigger a weakening of all inhibitive elements that could obstruct action (at this stage many couples forget their fears and dare to do what they wouldn’t normally do as regards sexual fantasies).

The presence of a desire for one’s spouses sets off hormonal triggers repeatedly again and again but with constant repetition, the glands reduce its secretions which most times leads to less arousal, less excitement and by this stage the habitual presence of one’s spouse becomes increasingly weaker. At this stage, a partner reaches a state of low sexual arousal as an effect of daily routine. However routine sex is inevitable in a marriage relationship, what a couple should do is to make an effort to renew arousal by getting ‘emotion’ back into play. Couples need to know how to invent new situations for arousal to keep the flame renewed. This is because on average, a woman thinks about sex five times per day while men think about sex 13 times per day.

One of the secrets to a lasting and mutually fulfilled sexual relationship is the shared pleasure the brain triggers in a couple’s sexual experiences. Moreover, since sexual arousal begins in the brain and is visible on the various parts of the erogenous zones, married couples can enjoy sensual stimulation by understanding these erogenous zones. The erogenous zones are the parts of the body that are particularly sensitive to touch. This is because they have many more sensory nerve endings. Stimulating these parts of the body, when there is mutual attraction, usually results in the brain sending strong sensations and sexual excitement moods.

The entire surface of the skin is erogenously sensitive but some parts of the body have heightened sensitivity. From the head downwards, these are the lips, ear lobes, the nape of the neck, the armpits, the breasts, the hands, the stomach, the buttocks, the genitals, the inner thighs, the back of the knees and the feet. Not all erogenous zones respond the same way, although many of the zones may be the same; they do vary from individual to individual. Therefore, it is important to know and study one’s spouse’s erogenous zones. Ask them what they like and remember that the way a partner caresses is as important as the caress itself. In addition, do not forget that you can use your fingers, mouth, or any other part of your body, to caress and stimulate your spouse’s erogenous zones.

Majority of husbands enjoy having their nipples stimulated, since both men and women have nipples. The nipples are very sensitive to touch and become hard when stimulated. However, while most women enjoy having their nipples stimulated, not all men do. However, it could be that some men simply have not tried it, and so they do not know what they are missing. To discover this, the wife should try sucking her partner’s nipples, nibbling or stroking them. He is sure to tell you what he thinks .

The interconnectivity of the brain and the rest of the body makes it necessary that the male and female body need to be prepared for sexual intercourse before vaginal penetration. Foreplay, which is clearly a source of pleasure, actually helps to prepare the body for the subsequent stages of sexual response. Touching and caressing your partner’s body triggers a number of active brain cell and physiological reactions: heart rate and breathing increase and the genitals become engorged with blood.

Without foreplay and arousal, there will be no signal from the brain, there will be no erection, no vaginal lubrication and, certainly, no orgasm! However, remember, everyone is different; some people take longer than others to become aroused while others may have very specific preferences. In spite of all these, some spouses still fail to become aroused during foreplay. The act of touching someone does not automatically lead to sexual arousal as the person being touched has to be receptive. First of all, he or she needs to feel comfortable with his or her spouse.

Questions and Answer

I have not been able to have penetrative sex due to the pain it causes

This is the third year into my marriage and I am still a virgin. I have not been able to have penetrative sex due to the pain it causes when attempting it. It is always impossible due to my muscles being so tense. Though my husband has been very understanding, thoughtful, and considerate and has always been supportive. I am so desperate to have penetrative sex and a baby. I really wish there were drugs or supplements available, which would loosen my muscles and save my marriage.

Mrs Sarah Paul

You are not the only one facing such predicament. Many other wives have been challenged with such but do recover from it. All you need do is first try and relax your mind. When the mind is relaxed, the body relaxes also. Secondly, let your husband finger you frequently with lots of lubricants. This will soften the hymen and also make the area less tense. Then do not always have the mind of penetrative sex during foreplay or romance; just have fun and let things just happen. Besides, practise more of pelvic floor exercise.

Funny noises during sex

Sometimes when I am having sex, my vagina makes a noise as if I am passing gas. It can be so embarrassing. The noise woke my baby up the last time we had sex. What causes it and how can I prevent it?

Sophia Balah

This noisy emission is air escaping from your vagina. When you’re aroused, your vagina expands to allow room for your husband’s penis. His thrusting during intercourse pushes air into you, which fills the space in the inner part of your vagina that has expanded. A shift in body position or a deep thrust can force that air out, resulting in the fart-like sound. It is also possible to ‘let out air’ post-orgasm, when air is expelled as the vagina returns to its pre-aroused state.

While making a gassy sound can be embarrassing, it is actually common. However, if it is getting in the way of your pleasure, try these preventive tricks: First, “Lie on your back and gently press down on your abdomen with the palm of your hand prior to intercourse. This will expel air already present in your vagina. During sex, encourage your husband to make shallow strokes and avoid pelvis-elevated positions like doggie-style, which can increase noisy emission. In addition, a good Kegel exercise normally rectifies this. Do not let a little noise restrict your sex life; just laugh it off.

Changing positions

Funmi, when going from missionary to woman-on-top, how do we manoeuvre the switch while keeping my husband’s penis inside me? Whenever we try this, my husband’s penis just pops out.

Mrs Monday .

I am sure most couples marvel at the expertise of most of the sex actors and wonder when such can be a reality in their home. However, the truth of the matter is sex is not always as flawless and faultless as presented. People knock heads, are twisted up in the sheets and, for a moment get disengaged. It can be awkward to change positions in one smooth moment, most couples stop and reconnect.

However, to give the flawless sex, start with missionary position close to the edge of the left side of the bed. Keeping your right leg straight, wrap your left leg around your husband’s waist and hook your left arm under his shoulder. Pushing off with your right arm, keep a firm grip on your husband as you roll him onto his back toward the right side of the bed in one sweeping motion. If he slips out, take him back in and resume your captivating section.