No substitute for sex

Because sex has the potential to be the most profound satisfying and rich part of a marriage union, its place and position can never be substituted. Sex is a mysterious and sacred act that knits a couple together in ways that are beyond description. Sometimes words fail when I try to describe the oneness that a husband and wife feel after giving their bodies to each other in all erotic ways. Whenever I teach couples about sex in conferences or in my office, the atmosphere in the room changes because of its uniqueness. Some couples cannot wait to hear me talk openly about a topic that is often not discussed. Others are very curious while others are very sceptical. To them, the topic is forbidden, unmentionable and taboo; something not to be discussed in the public.

However, not until the married couples embrace the fact that in their union there is no substitute for sex, their marriage will still be gravely affected in a negative way. Studies have shown that married couples who embrace sex with a positive attitude and place sex in its rightful position in the union have the best, most satisfying life together. They enjoy sex more often and have the highest levels of physical and emotional fulfilment. 88 per cent of such couples receive great physical wellness. I am sure you want to know why.

Having sex and orgasm increases levels of the hormone oxytocin in the body, the love hormones, and this helps couples bond and build trust. A recent evaluation of 59 pre-menopausal women before and after passionate sex with their husbands found that the more sexual intercourse, the higher the oxytocin levels. Oxytocin allows us to feel the urge to nurture and to bond. Higher oxytocin has also been linked with a feeling of generosity. That explains why husbands can release any amount of cash to their wives whenever they are sexually fulfilled. Therefore, if you are feeling suddenly more generous toward your spouse than usual, oxytocin is in the air.

Boosting self-esteem and immunity was one of 237 reasons people have sex, as observed by sex therapists. Good sexual health may mean better physical health. Having sex once or twice a week has been linked with higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A or IgA, which can protect you from getting colds and other infections. Oxytocin released during orgasm promotes sleep, according to research. In addition, getting enough sleep has been linked with a good sex. On the average, the human heart beats 70 times per minute but during orgasm, the heart races at 115 beats per minute, which puts the heart in a healthier position. During sex, the body makes use of 100 muscles to produce orgasm while it takes 17 muscles to smile. This indicates that those muscles are not only active but do not depreciate. Brilliant sex produces satisfying orgasm, and orgasm releases chemicals that curb appetite so high-quality sex helps spouses to lose weight.

Sex relieves stress and it lowers blood pressure. Married women who had intercourse had better responses to stress than those who engaged in other activities or abstinence and frequent sexual intercourse has been associated with lower diastolic blood pressure. One way to make your wife look healthy and less stressful is to give her a hug after sex, this drastically removes constant nagging headaches, increases radiant skin glow, makes her cope with life issues better. It makes her more accommodating, willing to help, warm, tender, affectionate and caring. It helps her to be a better cook.

Did you know that just thirty minutes of sex between couples burns 85 calories or more? Sex is a great form of exercise. Sex improves cardiovascular health. When some older couples worry about the effect of the energy expended during sex could cause stroke, I tell them that it is not so because scientists found out that frequency of sex was not associated with it. Having sex twice or more a week reduced the risk of fatal heart attack by half in men, compared with those who had sex less than once a month. Cold shower can increase the production of sex hormones in men and women. Having sex under a cold shower is not only romantic but medicinal.

Sex reduces prostate cancer risk. Frequent ejaculations and not masturbation-induced, especially in 20 year-old and above men may reduce the risk of prostate cancer later in life, Australian researchers reported in the British Journal of Urology International.

Sex strengthens pelvic floor muscles. For wives, doing a few pelvic floor muscle exercise known as Kegel during sex offers a couple of benefits. Men enjoy more satisfaction, women enjoy more pleasure, it strengthens the area and helps minimise the risk of incontinence, backaches, fatty big tummy and hysterectomy later in life. To do a basic Kegel exercise, tighten the muscles of your pelvic floor, as if you are trying to stop urine flow. Count to three, then release.

When sex is given its proper place and priority, its benefits can never be over-emphasised. Do not put anything in the place of sex. If you do, the emptiness it will create will be very noticeable.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Unnecessary sweating during and immediately after sex

I have a unique problem and it is scary. I noticed an excessive sweating especially from my palms, feet and one side of the face and lower part of my abdomen immediately after sex even when the air-condition is on or even when I have sex under the rain. Initially I thought it would stop but it increases as I grow old, the only time I don’t experience this is whenever I don’t have sex.

Matins Yenufor

Men have a higher sweat output than women. But if you always need to wipe your hands, nose of sweat extremely with clothes, especially after or during sex, it may be more than a “guy” thing. It could be excessive sweating which means that you sweat far more than your body needs you to sweat, the body’s cooling mechanism is so overactive that it produces four or five times the amount of sweat that you need. Although heat, ragging emotions, stress can trigger excessive sweating, it is more common in people who are overweight or out of shape. The good news is that most cases of excessive sweating are harmless. But it can also be a warning sign of thyroid problems, diabetes or infection, heart or lung disease, menopause, certain high blood pressure drugs, medications taken for diabetes, and sometimes even a stroke. If you are worried about how much you sweat, make a decision to see a doctor for a medical diagnosis.

How safe are sexual enhancing drugs?

I am a diabetic patient; I am also on some anti- hypertensive drugs. Recently, I discovered a poor sexual performance due to my medical conditions. But ironically, I love sex; I can’t do without it. I attach great importance to sex. I have some medications from the hospital that will enhance my sexual performance but my question is; are there downsides to synthetic drugs for good erection?

Mr. Kalikow Sunday

Well, the downside to these products is that there are side effects. For example, men that have certain high blood pressure disorders and are taking erectile drugs that have nitrate substance may have problem if they mix these synthetic anti-erectile drugs with the high blood pressure drugs. Such people can experience a sudden drop in their blood pressure and have a serious complication. This is why men, who take some of these synthetic drugs may [if during or after having sex] suddenly have chest pains or a heart attack.

Does constant watching of pornography promote a good marital relationship?

I was beginning to hate sex with my man until we began to watch pornography. Without that, we cannot have worthwhile sex. This is not helping me at all. My question is, don’t you think pornography could harm a good marital relationship?

Mrs. Joan Ifeayan

If both of you can watch an educative, informative, sexually explicit movie together with the aim of improving on your sexual performance, it is not a bad idea. Women actually love romantic stories while men seem to get aroused just by seeing two people having sex. If either of these forms the basis of arousal for a couple, it is still not a bad idea. But when couples or a partner becomes hooked on such and it is obvious such partners can’t be aroused or have an erection without watching these sexually explicit movies, then there seems to be a problem that may need to be addressed fast.