Where did you first learn about sex?

Attention parents, contrary to assumption, many individuals’ first sexual education and knowledge were not typically from their parents. According to a recent survey, sexual encounter via house helps, internet/television set, close family relations, on the streets, cinema houses, lecture rooms and friends top the list while knowledge from parents tag behind.

This shocking survey does not only show the lapses of real parental guidance, it also affects the individual’s thinking and behavioural pattern. Most issues of promiscuities, addiction, abuse and perversion could be as a result of the individual’s first sexual encounter.

Here is what Mr. Monday had to say: “I actually learnt about sex at age seven from our neighbour’s children while playing hide and seek game. We would pretend we were engrossed with the game but what we actually did was fondling, kissing and ‘fingering’ at the back of the house till all the girls were deflowered right under our parents’ strict upbringing and surveillance.”

Another victim, Temi, lived with her aunt when she was 10 because her parents relocated abroad in search of greener pastures. Temi’s aunt tutored some young adults in extra moral lessons. Temi said, at 11, the doctor told her she was pregnant. Her aunt’s friends had raped her for several months.

Felix, a responsible adult said, ‘It is sad when parents do not take time out to know what their children are capable of doing. I am from a family of six- two boys and four girls. It is sad to say when we were growing up, between ages 12-15; we were unduly exposed to our parents’ sexual escapades. I and my siblings were involved in incest. My father in particular, made the matter worse by bringing different women into our home while mum was away on a trip. His example encouraged us to have sex with our sisters. By the time all our sisters left for their matrimonial homes we had had sex over and over with all of them.”

Loretta who just turned 16 has her own story. “I’m not exactly sure when my sexual encounter began. Prior to when I was raped, I would secretly watch some of my parents’ pornography magazines and I would masturbate. When I turned 12, my dad’s best friend raped me on the night of my birthday as such, I became sexually active. But I also took it far. I could have sex with anyone of my choice at any time and I wouldn’t care if it broke my parents’ hearts. This is because when my father’s friend raped me, I reported the case to my dad and I had expected him to stop any relationship with such a fellow. But instead, they remain best of friends even till date. He was actually mad at him at first when I reported the incident to him but shortly after, they made up and have remained friends. This destroyed the love I have for him and it shattered my soul, made me believe that my father does not have any iota of regard for me. I actually wanted to get back at him for not respecting my person.” Loretta has lost count of the number of people she has slept with.

Chidinma (not real name) also has a story to tell. ‘I first had my sexual encounters in the village at age six or thereabout when I went to the stream to get some water for the family. I went with my brothers. We played all sorts of silly games; we would secretly watch the girls while they bathe and sometimes, bathe in the river with them and roughly pull on their breast or stick our finger into their vaginal and so on. But 11 years ago, I was brought to Lagos as a sales apprentice for my ‘madam’. I was meant to stay with her for some years until she would ‘settle’ me with my own business after I have ‘served’ her. But since then, I have been used as a sex slave to various types of men in her life. We practise oral sex and I am particularly subjected to swallowing the sperm afterwards. I have been going through this ordeal for these years. Presently, I have all forms of skin diseases, mouth blisters, swollen face and red eyes. I sweat so profusely even when it is raining and I am presently experiencing fast shrinking penis.” Our consultancy clinic is ready to help Chidinma get out of this situation and give him proper adequate medical attention. But because Chidinma is still undergoing his apprentice scheme, he is not allowed to see us again or go for medical attention. What an encounter.

Christie’s story is slightly different. She is just 10. She said, “When you mention sex in our home, you will be grounded for weeks. It wasn’t until I got into the boarding house that I really got any sexual information; and that was because I and my boyfriend decided to secretly register in a sex club. To the school authorities, the club was a debate and social club where quiz and social matters were supposed to be discussed. But it was actually a sex club panel. It was there that I learnt everything dirty about sex.”